Love
June 24, 2008
The hardest thing in the world is watching someone you love struggle. Not being able to make it all better leaves you short of breath, the pressure on your heart creating bubbles of panic. Frustration cuts and helplessness burns. All you can do is leave hands and ears open. But is it enough?
NYC electricity
June 23, 2008
I finally understand why people walk around in t-shirts with ‘I heart New York’ on them. I went, I saw and I heart New York, too. The scale, the heat, the napkins with everything. Such a mad old mish-mash of people. In the most exciting and invigorating sense. It was thrilling simply walking around. I loved the art on the subway, the iced coffee, the smiley old man at the bar playing bingo (’Oh him? That’s Taylor Mead’), the top dollar sushi at bargain basement prices, the brown stones in Brooklyn. And discovering that Americans call clubbing ‘dance parties’. Or is that just New Yorkers? Or just hip young New Yorkers with their tongues firmly in cheek? Either way, I heart it.
Hurt
June 1, 2008
Music can heal. Or, at least, spark the process.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SmVAWKfJ4Go
Going to extremes
May 28, 2008
Extreme is exciting, balanced is boring. Discuss.
It’s a lot easier to get enthusiastic about an exaggerated state than a placebo. That’s true for extremes at either end of the scale and it’s all to do with the pleasure principle. Take food for example - there’s pleasure in indulging in an extra slice of chocolate cake but there’s also pleasure to be derived from depriving yourself. A different kind of pleasure admittedly but pleasure all the same. Excess it all it’s forms - be it sexual, chemical, whatever - casts a pleasure spell. But pleasure, as we know, is fleeting. Denial, on the other hand, breeds that perverse brand of pleasure that springs from (whisper it) smug self-righteousness. Excess/denial, denial/excess - two sides of the same coin to yo-yo between. There hanging between them is the middle ground. No flirty frills decorating the wide, grey expanse that is moderation. Instead just a never-ending sea of calm, eerily free of dips and swells. Of course, with moderation comes depth and layers - a chance to observe and absorb, free from the magnetic, destructive pull of living in extremes. Pleasure is superseded by satisfaction in the world of balance and moderation. All well and good. Just not quite as exciting…
Maybe
May 25, 2008
Maybe you were just looking for a distraction
Maybe I was too
But I got more than I bargained for
When I met you
One drunken kiss
One beautiful evening
One perfect gift
One too many excuses
One thing on my mind
Four months on and I still think you’ll call…
Full brain
May 18, 2008
Who knew, who knows, who’s there, who’s who, who are you to tell me how to live my life
Why me, why us, why now, why not, why am i not able to let go
What’s this, what’s that, what’s what, what are we getting ourselves into
How am I, how are you, how do you do, how do we keep a straight face in a situation like this
When’s it start, when’s it end, when do we ever really feel like grown ups?
Word play
April 27, 2008
What I love about reading is what I love about writing too. The ability to give shape and substance to something as slippery as a feeling - to record those passing thoughts that might normally get lost in the swamp of everyday living. The disparate bunch of writers I love have one thing in common - amidst tales of other lives in other places there hide moments of stinging recognition. Those things you half-think, or don’t fully realise are passing through your head, right there on the page. Someone else’s honesty enabling you to own your own feelings. That’s the power of good writing - name it and it’s yours. Instead of being ruled by an intangible tangle of emotions, you’re the one calling the shots. A feeling flying round your head can only be grasped at. A word on a page can be picked up, it’s weight tested in your hand before you decide to embrace or reject it.
And the music don’t feel like it did…
April 22, 2008
I’m a sucker for a good song. Music seduces, infusing the momentary with immortality. It makes sense to - and of - every part of me. Currently making my head spin are The XX. Only 18 and already heartbreakers. Somebody give them a record deal please.
Lip service
April 21, 2008
Kissing, kissing, kissing. Even the word is appealing. It trips off the tongue, so to speak. A kiss can change everything - wake you up, get you lost, send you loopy. I love everything about it - the taste, the warmth, the bruised lips, the head-rush, the stubble rash. More intimate than sex, more telling than words - the importance of kissing should never be underestimated. And dammit, it just feels good.
Thought for the day
April 20, 2008
I’m ready to be in control again. On the ball instead of under the table; in the driving seat, not out on a limb. The freedom to choose is all well and good but faced with a thousand possibilities the act of choosing offers up a sea of trapdoors through which to fall. Limiting choices can actually free you up. Less decision-making, more living. Going wild is fun for a while but not forever. There’s a satisfaction in declining, in choosing tomorrow over today, that can’t be found in more-more-more. I don’t need to consume to feel good, to spend to be successful, to buy stuff to be a better person. There’s no such thing as a quick-fix. Changing, growing, evolving and, yes, mending takes time. But you can start saying no when you used to say yes, and yes when you used to say no. It can be as simple as that. Hell yes, I’m ready for that.
